of course you all know that we miscarried in mid April. this was a heartache for us because we had been trying for quite awhile to get pregnant. but it had happened once before and we knew that last time it all worked out.
in August i found out i was pregnant again. right before our anniversary actually. so our anniversary was a double celebration! i went to the doctor around 5 weeks, scheduled an ultrasound for 8 weeks and we were in business! we were keeping the secret until after our ultrasound. i felt good! i didn't have much morning sickness, just a little nausea now and again.
around Sept 4 i started to get a head cold. i was stuffed up, sinus pressure, the works. it was miserable. since i couldn't take anything i was just doing the best i could. on that next Tuesday i started to spot just a little. i had done that with Ethan, so i wasn't terribly worried. but i called the doctor just in case and he said we'd just wait and see-and if it got worse to call him. Wednesday i just felt awful. i was at work until about 2 and then i went home. i had started to bleed for real, but it wasn't much. i was just miserable with this cold so i went home and slept. that night i had started to bleed more. since i wasn't cramping or anything Matt said just sleep it off and we'll call in the morning. naturally i couldn't sleep at all. so i watched Friends(my comfort show) and fell asleep on the couch. at about 6am i got up to go to the bathroom and found that i had fully miscarried.
i took the day off and scheduled a doctors appointment. Matt came with me, but we didn't get many answers. miscarriage is an iffy thing. unless there is an obvious reason for it there is really no reason for it. our doctor and all the nurses were really nice and very concerned for us. it actually made me realize how much they really do care for their patients. Dr. Fredrickson set us up to see a specialist on the 22nd of this month. he said that hopefully they could look over our history and either request some further testing or give us some sort of information that will help us.
since we've gone through this now twice in 6 months we decided that we are going to take a break. no trying again for a few months, probably until next year. i want time to regroup, to do some partially crazy adult things, and to spend time with Ethan. and to smother him with hugs and kisses!
of course if i had the money i'd just hop a plane and spend a week in the Caribbean. gosh that sounds relaxing!
to end this basically depressing blog. it helps me to write things out. and some people that read this knew what was going on, and some didn't. please don't feel bad that we didn't share our news with you right away. and if you did know before, i'm sorry you had to hear about it ending this way.
to all of our friends and family that have stuck by us, listened to us gripe and complain, cry and feel sorry for ourselves. we thank you. from the bottom of our hearts. its hard to see your friends in pain and even harder to find the right things to say, but you've all done a great job! ;)
on Thursday i'm going to get my second tattoo - to which i'm very excited about! - i created this myself and it truly means something real to me. an expression of myself and of the things i hold dearest to my heart. and not just something i can show, its something i will be able to carry with me always.
a blue flower for my baby boy who brings me more joy than ever! and the yellows are for the babies we've had to say goodbye to even before we got a chance to truly love them. and someday i'll be able to add another pink or blue flower.
2 comments:
I love you :)
thanks Shan! :)
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