"when life gives you lemons....

.... just shut up and eat the damn lemons!"


feeling: crazy! my brain is working on overdrive today
listening to: nothing.. its too early to relax--also i have no idea what i want to listen to!


a couple things have been the main focus of my brain activity over the last few days: choices is the main one.


Sunday/Monday night i was up about every hour wide awake. and when i'm wide awake my brian kicks into overdrive-which i hate-and for some reason i started to think about choices. everybody has choices every day, from what to eat for lunch to how much do i really really need those $200 shoes. some people get off easy and both of those choices are made in a split second. for some people the choices are harder like, what can we live without foodwise for another week. how soon do i really need to go to the doctor for this cold or how much longer can my kid wear those pants before they are simply rags.

i was thinking about the choices i've made in my life that have brought me to this exact moment. the choice that Matt would be the only man i'd ever need for the rest of my life. this brought me to hearache when we lost our first baby, and then to utter joy when Ethan was born! this brings me headaches when we fight about stupid things, and happiness when he does little things like take out the garbage and thank me for making dinner.
the choice we made to buy a house. not becuase we needed one by any means, but because we felt we were at the point where we really wanted to be "adult" homeowners! this choice brings us to now when we can not sell our house and were just wasting money on something we really dislike living in.

when i think back to all our smaller and bigger choices i really don't think that i would do anything differently. maybe if i'd known that we'd be right here, wanting to grow our family but really not having any room for it, i might have stayed living in an apartment for a couple years. just to get some debt under control and all that good jazz. but then again, at that point we didn't care. we wanted a house and we wanted this house! our original plan was to only stay for a year or two and then look for something else. never happens how you plan it.

so then i look at the people around me and the choices they've made. i wonder if they look back and think- i really wish id done that differently- for the most part i think they'd say no. for some stuff i'm sure it would be different. thought through more or better, but not the original choice that was made.


sometimes the choices you make just get you in a big fat pickle. but theres always another choice that will get you out. we made the choice to get into a debt relief program. we searched and asked some friends and finally found one that is working wonderfully for us! we're going to be 100% free of our credit card debt in, well, now 3 more years! hopefully less. i wish we'd gotten into that way earlier, but better late than never.
other times the choices you make bring you more happieness than you might have thought possible. Ethan is the center of our lives and i don't regret one decision that brough him to us! now we're trying for another one.... (maybe not another one EXACTLY like Ethan.... we might pull our hair out!) but, if we get a carbon copy then we'll be just as happy!!

i think its a natural strive that we all make good choices in our lives. and probably at the time we all think that they are the best possible choice for us. of course nobody is perfect and we all end up thinking -what the F?!- at one point or another! i've had plenty of those, but the good always outweighs the bad!





my choice of the day happened when i was driving to work. i followed a guy into town and his liscense plate said BATSRUS -- Bats R Us -- awesome right!? how this got me to this decision i don't really know. but my next tattoo is going to be the Aerosmith logo on the top of my right foot. yup, have the foot picked out and all! Jeff is still bagging on my wrist tattoo... so i have to pick something else for the time being! i love tattoos.... its an addiction that i'm okay with! just have to save up some cash now! :) woot woot!

now... i must make the choice to work!!

"" let me hear the words you say,

lets go and get tangled in chains of golden days.... ""





doing: postponing work for as long as possible! i have lots of album re-touching to do... that i sorta don't want to!
feeling: more relaxed than i have the last week
listening to: The Damnwells Pandora Radio! (quote = from Damnwells song!)

i haven't had lots to write about lately, because everything that's been going on in my head is kinda heavy stuff. also, things that i might not want to share with the entire world! :)

the biggest thing is that Matt and i have decided to start trying for a second child! i've personally been waiting on him (a woman waiting on a man... odd right?!) since the beginning of the year. i've always had a timeline for my family in my head... but of course it never works out that way. so now, as my brain works, i find myself obsessing over it. i know that God knows when we are ready and He will give us the gift that we want when the time is right... but its hard to wait. instant gratification is what the world is made up of anymore, so we're brainwashed into thinking that EVERYTHING should be that way. even when we know that it can't be.
my praying and our trying will continue. Matt says we're trying for a girl this time... he says he can make it happen....... yes ladies-he's that good..... *rolls eyes*

and so we wait.

the work side of my life is basically the same. we're still getting settled into the new studio. finding places for things and slowly adding the furniture and accessories that we need. we're hoping to have an open house here in the next couple months. its was supposed to be this month... but we ran out of time to go get things to finish up the place! we're starting to order display prints, to replace some of the ones we currently have up. slowly but surley. our next biggest task is organization. we have lots of papers and crap that we just dont have a place for. in the old place we'd just throw them in a cubbard.... we dont' have that luxery here! i'm still trying to figure out a decent way to organize and store our backup disks. we basically have a box for 2006--and hopefully all of 2006 is in that box. we've found that it is not. and for some reason suddenly people are feeling the need to order crap from 5 years ago! UGH! Jeff went and got us shelves for finished orders yesterday. So hopefully he can put those up this afternoon and a little bit more organization can continue!!

time to dig in. i have to get some albums retouched!! i dont think i have a show to watch during lunch today.... oh crap. if anyone reads this before noon and has an idea for me let me know!! :)

silence is beautiful

day: wednesday... this week is going slow...
feeling: super tired!
doing: this, i just got to work and i'm thinking about doing some cleaning/organizing., but haven't totally decided yet.
listening to: nothing. i haven't felt like music the last couple days. silence seems more relaxing.


the summer has been moving right along. as far as summers go this ones been the best/easiest i can remember in a while. its been super hot, but then perfect a 75degrees for a week, then back to hot. just how Iowa should be! we haven't been super crazed just yet. and we've been able to relax and enjoy the weather-friends-family time.

last week we headed to Panama for their 125th Celebration! it was wild! we got in late, otherwise i would have gotten some better pictures of the happenings. there were SO MANY PEOPLE! in case you don't know, Panama is a small town-comparable to Bussy-but a bit bigger. maybe Melcher-but a bit smaller... either way, its a town where everyone knows you, knows of you, or oddly recognizes you from when you were 5 becuase they know your Grandparents! its a great place all around! anyhow. we got there right at dark-about 9:30ish, and we thankfully got a spot to park right by my Grandma's house! there was a band playing in the block that the Catholic school is on, which happens to be a stones thow away from my Grandma's driveway. the band played until 2am.... that was fine because we ended up being UP until that time anyways! there were carnival games, food stands, a beer garden! hells yah! the best part of the beer garden was that it was located in the street between the Catholic church and the Catholic school!

its how we Catholics partAAy!!

after that weekend we've been pretty lazy. we don't have any weddings on the schedule for July-which is odd-but also kinda okay! we like having a break! especially when the next 3 months are pretty full! our seniors are filling up too. not as much as we think they should be.. but they are still calling so that's a good thing!

i've been trying to get out more and take some pictures for myself. i love shooting in general, but i love shooting more when its a shot i have in my head and it turns out just right!! i've been brainstorming some more shots that i'd like to do-i just have to find the time and the model(s) to do it!

i should pry get to doing some work. i have to design a thank you card-hopefully my brain is in a "designing" kinda place today......


happy 4th!!