i know how you feel about all this Christmas business....

i think Linus says it best--
"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"


doing: trying to stay awake--"adult time"
listening to: whatever Matts watching on the History channel (yeAH history channel, more on that later!)
feeling: happy

its saturday night, december 26. i can't believe Christmas is over... but then again it seems like it was a week ago!
we had a long week, but it slowed down long enough for us to truly enjoy it! i was worried that our Christmas day would just be GOGOGO! but it wasnt! we all but had to push Ethan out of bed in the morning. he didnt believe me that Santa had come! but when he finally got up he found himself a mountain of presents!


Kitty was watching them for us! :)

after we played with toys at home for awhie we packed up and headed out(in the snow) for the Croghan's house. there we had a second Christmas with my family!


Grandma Croghan might have gone present-for-Ethan-wild this Christmas!

of course he loved EVERYTHING that he got this year! after presents we chatted for awhile and ate lunch. Ethan laid down for a nap and i snuggled in to watch a 'Bones' marathon on TNT! :) love that show!

around 3 Matt came and picked us up and we headed to his parents house for our 3rd Christmas of the day!


a Cars ramp... its loud and goes off randomly!

we usually head off to Eddyville for dinner with Nancy's side of the family, but since the weather was iffy Matt didn't really want to drive. so from the Russell's house we came back home to relax together!

we ended up having a wonderful and enjoyable holiday together as a family! no fighting, we didnt get too cranky either! we had a great balance of family time, presents, food and love!

i'm thankful everyday for my family. for Matt who loves me on my worst days. for Ethan who can always make me smile! for our parents and siblings who are and will be there for us no matter what! and for our friends who seem more like extended family every day!
thank you to everyone who cares for and love us! we are blessed to have you in our lives!

"" why give up? why give in? ""

doing: working on youth wrestling memory mates--- theres a LOT of them!
listening to: my ipod--Breaking Benjamin--what else!?
feeling: tired but happy.

its been a long week already. bad to say because its only wednesday. the holidays are always stressful for us though-like everyone i'm guessing? i'm never on top of the holiday shopping, in fact i just finished yesterday! :) we always have a million places to go and people to see in such a short time.
needless to say... we always fight. we had a blow out on Sunday so hopefully thats our one for the season.

i have to admit, that for the last couple years Christmas has been a dreaded holiday for me. i used to be all about putting up decorations, the tree, lights, attending church, and everything else that goes with it! but for a couple years now its just been an iffy thing. i could have pry lived without it.... sadly. having Ethan around has made it easier and harder. easier because he is SO excited about everything that has to do with Christmas. he points out lights everywhere. he knows how to turn on our Christmas tree. he knows that baby Jesus goes in the crib! its wonderful to be reminded of all the simplicity of the season through the eyes of a toddler.
its been hard because i want to give him the world! i want to buy him every single toy that he says he wants, i want to take him everywhere to show him everything! i want to give it all to him!! so its been especially hard to shop for him, or to tell others what to get for him. he only asked Santa for ONE thing. a tow truck. so Santa has-or will- deliver just that to him! *pats self on the back*

now that the day is actually closer ive become less stressed and more excited. i'm planning to go to Christmas Eve mass tomorrow night-i havent been to that for a year or two, so that will be great! we are having Russell family pictures tonight while everyone is home! i hope my child will feel well enough to behave decently.... *crosses fingers tightly*


the next thing to look forward to is my birthday. as of monday the 28th of Decemeber i will be 27 years of age. i did have a slight panick attack about this age earlier this year. mostly due to the fact that my life plan was to have both of my children by the time i was 24.... apparently that didn't happen! not all bad... but i DO want to have my second child within the next year. i pray that i wont be 30 and just having my second child. not that there is anyting wrong with that... its just not for me!
but i've gotten past that... and actually am looking forward to being 28 soon(i just hate odd numbers...!!) i'll stick happily, with 27 for a year though! the funny thing is that sometimes i still feel like a kid right out of college. i have a good job that i know tons about! i can talk your ear off about photography/photoshop and designing until i turn blue! but sometimes i just feel like i'm a noob (thats a COD term for you!) i'm not sure if i'll ever grow out of that. maybe when Ethan is 15 i'll actually start to feel like a true adult! arg! Ethan at 15 -- panick attack!!


so all in all, this week is turning out to be decent! i hope that it continues that way! i also hope that my little family has a chance to sit together and think about the true meaning of Christmas and what a blessing we have in each other!

Merry Christmas everyone!

"" and we can have forever.... and we can love forever....""

well... i'm awake.

i haven't had much to write since NCYC... because most of it has been disappointing.

the Breaking Benjamin concert that was on the 8th was the one thing i've been totally pumped about for months! and of course... thats the night that we got crazy wind and snow. so needless to say, for our own safety, we didnt drive to DM. however, they had the concert anyways. so, we're out $100 and did not get to go see Breaking Benjamin. Lazer said they didnt cancel because of the band's tour and things.... i understand that... but, i also dont. i wont start cause it'll be a rant. Lazer is putting together something for those of us who have unused tickets in the next couple weeks. i dont know what it'll be, and i hope we arent busy that night... but i am glad that they realized they should do something for the people who couldnt make it. it wont be the same as BB in concert... but at least we'll get something for our money.

**a few days later**
yeah, its taken me multiple days to write one post.... i heard about the Lazer "special thing" for those of us that still have unused BB tix. the Hairball is coming to DM soon, which is a complilation of 80s rockbands. if we go TO the Lazer studio during business hours and present our BB tix we can BUY tickets for the Hairball for $10 instead of $10(normal price).
now i want to say that i didnt expect a full refund or anything.. but i did expect something along the same lines as Breaking Benjamin. if you've ever heard BB you know that they are not even close to 80s rock. and also, while i am a girl who listens to KGGO(Classic Rock that Rocks) i do NOT want to end up spending $120 (BB tix + discount hairball tix) to go see some group of knock off 80s rockers...... so while the DJ "really really thinks this is a great deal!" i will have to dis-agree.
i was quite upset and said some choice words to the radio when i heard this. so, my glimmer of hope is out and i'm back to sad that i missed one of my favorite bands and am out $100......

















after all of that........

the week of Christmas has begun. we always have troubles around these holidays trying to visit all of our family in the alotted week. Matt and i always fight-i wont deny it. and it really makes the season un-enjoyable.

we did go to my Grandma Croghans Saturday/Sunday for Christmas. i was really looking forward to this trip because i'd missed out on Thanksgiving there this year. most of my family was there, crammed into Grandma's kitchen/living room. it never used to be a problem until all the boys in our family started growing to 6 feet tall!! it was chaos!! but it was exactly how i've always remembered it, so it was perfect. i got to visit with my Grandma and aunts and uncles. we talked about everything from kids tv shows to politics to how to save the world from global warming! :) we're diverse!! hehe!

Sunday afternoon we packed up again and headed home. we were at our house for exactly 15 minutes and then headed off to Pella to Matts Grandparents. we had dinner and more family time there. Grandma Darlene always makes 3 or 4 great soups!

we got home just in time for Ethan to head to bed. and after 3 meltdowns and about 10 minutes of crying, he was alseep! needless to say, this week has only just begun.


today i have to go finish my Christmas shopping/wrapping. yes, i said finish! i'm late and i know it!

other than the Christmas rush and the disappointing concert... work has been good. we've been quite busy this month. we always set our cut-off for Christmas orders at December 4th. of course we always always get people calling a week later that just HAVE to have their stuff by Christmas. luckily our lab is quick like a cat this time of year, so as of last Thursday my order bin was EMPTY!!! its a good feeling to look over and see nothing pressing that i have to finish! now my biggest problem is all the wedding albums i have to create... i dont think it'll be too bad... i just have to sit down and do it! i'm planning to bring a few of them home on my laptop and hopefully knock them out in a night or two!

i guess i should start my day. i have alot planned and better just get it all started. then maybe this afternoon i can take a nap!! :)

"" your grace is enough, your grace is enough for me..."

last week, Nov 19-22, i had the privilege to attend NCYC (National Catholic Youth Conference) in Kansas City. we've been planning this pilgrimage since January. we took 7 youth and 4 adults. there was planning-oh the planning-and fund raising OH my!

in the end it came down to 4 days and it was amazing!

the kids that we took hadnt ever been to a retreat of this volume before, and actually neither had the adults! i hadn't ever been to NCYC, we went to Rome instead..... and since this time i was "in charge" it was new for everyone!!

we had a wonderful group! not too big, everyone listened and was well behaved! we fought the crowds, fought sleep, and scavenged for food! that was the toughest part. the rest was just amazing.

i've been trying to think of how exactly to put into words what we experienced so that you will KNOW. but i can't. i just can't.
the Sprint Center was where we had opening and closing ceremonies each day. this arena holds thousands. its built for concerts and basketball games and such. we packed it FULL! then there was an overflow of a couple hundred that were down the street in the Convention Center. there was somewhere around 22thousand in attendance!
its always a shock to see SO many people loving the same thing that you do. if you go to an Aerosmith concert or an accounting convention! either one, its fun and easy to talk about the thing that you love. but to come together, with that many people, to talk about and praise God... is a different level! this is a high school retreat. so the majority of these in attendance were high school age, that makes it even better!

there were keynote speakers, MC's, bands and more! the bands were my favorite part! plus we all got to stand and wave our hands around and clap to the beat! its the best!

i have a feeling i could go on and on... but i'll just say again. it was a wonderful experience. i just pray that one of my youth came back with that "oh WOW"! (mine was Rome... that was my "oh WOW"!)

NCYC is in Indianapolis in 2011. AND World Youth Day (which is what my Rome was) is also in 2011 in Madrid, Spain. i have 4 sophmores that are telling me YES, we are going to Spain... eekkk!!
i'm ready!!


http://ow.ly/FGlO <-- Matt Maher Band.

Matt Maher is one of my new fave guys! he took time out of his tour to come and perform for us! he was amazing! this isn't the whole thing, but it will show you his song and also a glimps of the Sprint Center!!

"" rollin thunder, pourin rain...."

doing: work. working on my backup of wedding albums.....
listening to: whatever Pandora station Jeff left on. its got lots of Metallica on it.. i'm not too impressed
feeling: like crap! the soda i wanted is giving me a headache instead of an energy boost!

the weekend was good. we watched the Hawks game at our house on Saturday! i was really very happy that we got to stay home! mostly because the game was right in Ethan's nap time, so he go to actually take one. but also because i just really wanted to be home! i'm glad that we are basically a mobile group so we can watch together on almost all Saturdays! plus our tv freaking rocks!! HD Hawks?! hells yes!!

i got to do lots of nothing this weekend which i enjoyed. i like my down time. and i also enjoyed it more because i didn't have a pile of laundry to do and our house was basically clean! Matthew was super nice and cleaned and vacuumed both our cars out. mine needed it bad bad bad! i swear i kept meaning to do it, but then ended up working on something else!

Sunday at mass there was a blessing for those of us that are traveling to KC this week for NCYC! of course that involved me, since i'm going... duh. but also two of my senior girls gave a Stewardship Talk at mass. they did an EXCELLENT job! i was truly blown away! and seriously, if that talk didn't hit a couple high schoolers into re-thinking the youth group "thing" nothing will. excellent job!

Monday was a crazy day for me. well, not terribly crazy, but i had a specific list of things that i needed to get done regarding NCYC. i'm quite nervous about this trip mostly because i'm in charge! sure i've been to events like this before, but always as a pilgrim... not at the leader of the flock! of course, there are 21K people that will be there... so its not like we can get too lost or anything! its just keeping track of kids and keeping on our schedules. the kids we're taking are good kids, so i'm not really worried about them at all. i'm just worried about the schedule more than anything.

in the end i know it will be a fun weekend! i'm hoping that the kids come back with some sort of fire in their hearts! this should be a deep experience for some-if not all-of them!


my day started out decently. i'm still tired, but thats cause i stayed up late to watch E!'s Top 10 Vampires we Love! hehe! yes, i'd like to become a vampireologist! RobPat was #1! and why wouldn't he be?! Edward is pretty much the hottest fictional character EVER!

to that comment..... i am MISSING the opening of New Moon! i'm SO bummed!!! especially since this movie has like 100% more hype than Twilight! there are specials galore, red carpets and midnight showings.... that i won't get to partake in. some of my girls from church, that are going to NCYC, are super bummed about it too! we might have to plan a matinee trip when we get back to town on Sunday!


other than all of that my week is going to be pretty boring. i hope that i can get plenty of sleep, i remember to pack my underwear in my suitcase and i dont freak out before Thursday comes! i'll be golden!

well, back to work for a bit. its almost 4! i have an order and then i get to go home! i'm excited to go home! i want my sweatpants and a hot cup of tea!

"" dear agony, just let go of me..."

doing: work, kinda. okay not really. i'm avoiding it at all costs!
feeling: okay. my week(end) has had a positive outlook from the last couple weeks. between the not sleeping well, the worries and life in general i've not been a very happy camper. i'm truly thankful that Matt puts up with me.... even though we fight all the time anymore. we usually get at least 1 day out of it all where we can stand each other!!


i wont re-hash my crappy weeks past for you. lets just say they were just crappy!
instead i will start with yesterday, because yesterday was a wonderful day! i slept in until 7 (that hasnt happened since the time change) it was awesome!! i dont even remember Ethan getting into bed with us, that tells you how out of it i was-he climbs OVER me to get into bed!! since i got some extra sleep i actually had the energy to do some things around the house! i finished up laundry-which has needed done badly for awhile-Ethan and i went grocery shopping--dont even get me started on that! then he wanted to go to Gma Russell's so i took him there for the afternoon. hed gotten a new, big, ambulance for being such a big boy and using the potty.... for #2's for quite some time now. so he got to pick out a toy. lucky for us we can still pursuade him into semi-cheap toys! un-lucky for us, he now thiks that every time he #2's in the potty he gets to run out and get another toy. and hes still too young to understand- Santa is coming soon. or Mom and Dad aren't made of money! he just knows that he wants another toy....... ugh.

terrible threes... thank you for coming right on time!!

after i dropped him off at the in-laws i got to work finding myself the Breaking Benjamin songs that i didnt have for my iPod. lets just say i found them ALL! i was so overjoyed! and their new album ROCKS!!

my other bit of totally exciting news is that Breaking Benjamin is coming to DM on December 8!! i'm SO STOKED to go!! i've recently discovered that BB is one of my favorite bands! i can't go wrong with their music! i love it all! i've sort of become obsessed... but thats not the point. last time they were in DM i happen to be 6 or 7 months preggo with Little E. so obviously it wasnt a question wether or not i should go. between me pry needing to sit the whole time or Matt and the guys all trying to surround me from being crushed or moshed into... it pry wouldn't have been enjoyable. so THIS time i am NOT preggo and i AM going!! i told Matt he gets to take me! i could care less who else goes... I WILL BE THERE!! he said hed take care of getting us tickets... so i will be asking him daily if he's gotten them yet!!

so all in all yesterday was good!

the news that made my day drop was that MSN reported that Steven Tyler is leaving Aerosmith..... this was sudden and its still a little unlikely in my mind. if you'd like to talk about obsessed you can talk to me about Aerosmith! i've read the biography plenty of times.....and i know that Aerosmith is Steven's baby. hes believed in it from the first song! he had MaKin tattooed on his arm even before the song was produced! so in my mind it seems odd that "internal issues" has made him suddenly decide that he wants to walk away from it. they've had those issues for 40 years! why is it suddenly different now?!?! msn's statement from Joe Perry and Joe's Twitter(yes i follow him on twitter...) don't exactly match up... but thats the press for you. the one thing that does make me mad is that Joe said that "4 guys who play this good together shouldn't be wasted. our songs SHOULD be played live. we are probably going to look for a singer to help with that" now... i can't speak for anyone else, but i would NOT pay money for a ticket to their concert if Steven isn't there. not because he's my fave or anything. its because please name one person who can REPLACE Steven Tyler's voice!!?? i really honestly dont think there is anyone out there. sure sure i'm sure they can find someone that comes close. but are they going to dress the part? really? i dont want to see Aerosmith break up... but really guys? i know you have a wonderfully special dynamic-something that other bands could only dream of!-but 40 years later... it might just be time. if Steven goes... maybe its just time to call it a day.
i'll be crushed if they do break up. hell the last 2 times i've bought tix to see them the shows been cancelled..... which pissed me off!! but if its a new singer or nothing... i'll choose nothing. sure maybe they can stay together long enough to finish this latest album they keep promising is there... thatd be sweet!

okay... i'm done. that was my Aerosmith rant that went on for longer than i'd anticipated!!

now... i must get back to work!! its almost 3! yeay! this day has DRUG on! BUT, i get my hair cut at 5!!! i'm 3 weeks over-due and ready to get my bangs back!

4:00 and alls well!

doing: finishing up the Knoxville Dance Teams Calendar! I have 2 more "months" left to design... and only one picture. we might have a problem.....
feeling: tired!
wanting: FOOD!

today has been long to say the least. we were up super early to go and photograph the kids in PlayShop (local 5 and under preschool). its always fun and the kids are always entertaining, but it was early and neither of us felt like it! but it went very smoothly and we'll be there again tomorrow!

i realized that my last entry was on Ethan's birthday. since that was quite a while ago i thought i should update you on my life.

we've decided to take our house off the market for the winter. we had a glimmer of hope with a trade, but it didnt' end up panning out. so we decided to not renew, take it off until spring and then it'll be all new and fresh! aanndd we'll start all over. Matthew told me today that my "problem" is that i only think in absolutes. either we sell or we dont. either we live here forever or we get out. theres no middle ground. while that is true to some extent i could tell him the same thing. i say, lets build on, he says- we can't. i say - lets check with the bank, he says- we wont get anything. so--darling--if you are reading this, lets try to be more positive with each other.....
i try to think of ways to make our situation better or different and the answer always seems to be 'no' or 'we're poor'. its ebbing at my patience on the matter and thats the exact reason why i become shrill and bitchy when we "talk" about it. (i put talk in quotes because that really means fight and yell.) sure my suggestions may not be the best or thought out toally, but its only a suggestion. not like i went to the bank behind his back and am like "hey! we got 30K to build onto the house!"

thats not what i meant to talk about. mainly it was we're trying with the house selling again in the spring.

as for work. we just got back from our Fall Seminar, it was Nov 1&2! we always look forward to these simply because we aren't in the office! we dont HAVE to work and we can just be dorky and talk about photography ALL DAY LONG!! and everyone we talk to there loves it as much as we do!! we had 2 great speakers this year, Kirk Voclaine and John Hartman.

Kirk is a fabulous senior photographer! he has a smart head on his shoulders and it shows! the funny thing about him is that he is NOT even close to who you'd think of when you see his images!

http://www.kvphoto.com/ <-- Kirks website
http://seethelight.ca/img/speakers/kirkvoclain.jpg <-- Kirk

we got to hear him talk about his studio, his business, his photographing techniques and his photoshop work. it was all interesting and i got some good notes out of it!

John Hartman was our other speaker. he talked mostly about the business part of it. he told us how he shoots and a little about selling. i got some good notes from him too!

http://web.mac.com/jrhartman/Contemporary_Photography/Home.html <-- John's website

all in all-like we always do-we came back inspired!! now, like always, we just need to find an outlet and time to put all this stuff to action!

the other "fun" part of Seminar (i put fun in quotes because i mean not-so-fun) was that Jeff-being on the board-is in charge of hospitality this year. this means that he--WE--have to pick up speakers from the airport, get food and drinks ready for the hospitality room that's open most every night and a bunch of other little things. since Jeff is SUCH a generous boss.. he LETS me help him. lets just say i was up at 2am on Monday morning washing dishes in the hotel bathtub. and that was only one night! at Winter Seminar there are 3 nights. we have to have a meal plan and hope we dont run out (which we did this time) and have plenty of booze because, lets face it, photographers like to drizink!

well, i have an order coming in soon and then i get to go home! i'm SO hungry! and i have a church meeting tonight. it never stops does it! hopefully i'll be home in time for Glee! that will make my night!! I LOVE GOOD TV!!!!

Baby Boy = 3!

today is my baby's birthday!!

its been a fast 3 years! i don't want him to get any older! i want him to be a baby forever!!!! but, hes grown and is learning so much that i just can't keep wishing that! i'm excited to see what the next year brings! playing soccer in the summer? learning to swim? pre-school! (oh, tiny panick attack)! he can't be my baby forever! i just hope that God will bless us with another little one soon so i don't go mad watching my first baby grow up too fast!!!

i am in the process of making his birthday cake! and when Matt comes home this afternoon we are headed off to the Zoo!! tonight is his party! i just hope he has an enjoyable day! he's been telling me he doesnt want a party or anything.. but i think he's coming around! like any good little boy-he wants his presents!!!

Ex-Sensitive.....

doing: work. i'm actually getting alot done today and yesterday
listening to: lastfm.com radio. Bethany Joy Lenz!
feeling: a little better but still iffy

i've had a long couple weeks. actually a long month. at this time in my life i do feel like everyone should owe me something! that i should get a break and a couple good things should happen to me. i feel like this roller coaster is stuck at the bottom of a huge hill... broken down with no one around to fix it.

of course thats just the midset that i'm in. if everyone would LIKE to send me presents and money and stuff that's cool... i wont say no! but i know thats not going to happen because not everyone does actually physically owe me anything.

the weather has been gloomy, my days have been long, my son and his potty training isn't going well-suddenly anymore-and my husband and i aren't seeing eye to eye on things.

we go through these spells. where suddenly we dont see where the other person is coming from. and we fight about every little thing. its annoying and we're both stubborn enough that an apology isn't something we just do. its passes and we'll be fine, but having it like this now just makes everything suck!!

i've been on the verge of tears all week and thats also annoying. i think my hormones are on an overload....



Matt's Great Grandmother died last week. She was 89 and it was pretty sudden.
so that made our week just that much harder. it was a nice service. Her son did the eulogy and it was just fantastic! something that i know i'll not be able to do. Matt and his Dad were paul bearers. Of course it rained the hardest when we were at the cemetery, just to match all our moods. i think it will take awhile to get over the fact that shes not here anymore. Matts dad was very close to her so he took the whole thing pretty rough.



well the phone keeps ringing and its 4:00. 20 after now actually. time seemed to go extra slowly yesterday and thankfully today that has not been the case!!
have a good soggy night.... damn weather...

sometimes.....

doing: trying to work. its harder today....
listening to: nothing. awesome nothingness!

i don't have anything real to write about, except to reiterate the fact that i'm tired. my two weeks of GOGOGO are finally coming to an end. on Sunday i plan to do NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!! i dont want to get up until i feel like it, i dont want to go anywhere unless i feel like it. i want to eat oreos all day and sit in my jammies UNTIL I FEEL LIKE IT!!!

i'm close to my breaking point.... of my life. sometimes it just seems like everything around me is pushing in my walls. i just want to scream for everyone and everything to leave me the hell alone! i just want 1 day for me! of course thats a metaphor and i cant really do that....

i'm glad that i dye my hair now... and that i'm naturally a blond--sorta--color. because if my hair was actually as dark as i have it now i'd have grays everywhere. i still dont have that balance in my life i've been searching so hard for. in the last year i do have to say its gotten a bit easier to juggle everything.... of course then i decided to take on another job! i need to break down and start liking to run (but i just hate it so much!) i feel like my biggest stress reliever should be exercise. a walk now and then is nice, but sometimes i just need to GO! i want so badly to swim! thats the one thing i can do and push myself and it doesnt feel as much like work! bbuutt the rec center like to fuck me over and its never open when i need it to be.... or the pool is open for little kids to jump off the board... i can't swim laps in that. i need to, again, break down and just start getting my ass up at 5:30 and going to swim! just do it--right?! i need to i really do....


my horoscope for today said 'just remember time is on your side'. as much as id like to think that the California Psycic on my Google homepage is correct... i'm calling bull-shit. cause i know thats not the case.

well, i need to get stuff here done today.....
have a good weekend everyone!
oh,... and GO HAWKS!!

" shadows cast a lie..."

doing: again, a break from work overload. i'm trying so hard to get caught up with stuff, but sometimes my brain is just like "SCREW THIS! do something else!"
i have albums and order O-MY! and i would really just like to sit here and stare at everything.... until it goes away. sadly, i know that won't happen.. so i have to keep working on it!



i'm tired. plain and simple. i'm tired! i'm tired of so many things and for so many reasons that it all seems to jumble together and form one giant lump. from that i can't pick out what is actually important and whats just crap floating around in my head.

i'm going on about a week now of straight GOGOGO, and its not over yet. between the church and photography i didnt have a chance to breathe for about 4 days. i think that monday is finally my relax day, i'll get a massage at least!

i keep telling myself i just need a day off. but i can't find a chance to take one. its pretty annoying actually.

this past weekend did turn up a good thing. Matts dad promised to help us out a bit with the house and offered to pay for things to re-roof the place! we can't do it all in one shot (bad and good), because Papa Russell isn't made of gold. but Matt, and the guys, did get the first 1/4 of it done! that was really the worst section, so at least it looks better from afar! his dad said he'll pry have enough to do the other half of the front in October. hopefully this will help with our house selling. please please please let it help!!

well, i sort of got a second wind. or maybe its because its FINALLY 4 and i get my hhaaiirr cut after work!!! i love hair cuts! wish i could do something different.. but i have too short of hair now.... maybe my hairstylist will suprise me!!

""everyones tryin to get it right... get it rriigghhtt!!""

doing: taking a small break from album overload.
listening to: KGGO on Jeff's computer.
wondering.... where the hell Jeff even went!! i just realized he hasn't been here for like 10 minutes!!!

i just have an awesome story about my little man. Ethan's almost 3 and it still amazes me that he can learn and grow so much in such a small amount of time! i think that maybe you just don't notice it until one day it hits you that-MAN, when did he start doing that?!?!

we were having dinner last week and Ethan was inhaling his applesauce(yes, my child doesn't eat "real" food much anymore) and Matt says, "Ethan, would you like to have a little brother?" Ethan say, " no. " "well what about a sister?" " no. " So i say, "what about another kitty?" " well... no." Matt, "what about a puppy??" " no.... but what about a WHALE!??! or a shark!!??"
Matt and i looked at each other and burst up laughing! apparently a brother, sister or extra small pet is nothing, but man if we could get a whale itd be great!! he said it with such enthusiasm! it was awesome! where did he come up with whale you might ask? no idea. but i am glad that my childs got an imagination!


those of you that have kids know what an amazing, and sometimes random, element children bring to your life! and those of you who don't have kids yet, just wait! its the best!

my next exciting project is Ethan's 3 year birthday party! i can't believe that 3 years ago today we didn't even know him yet! it seems like forever ago, and yet just like it was last week! i'm so excited for his birthday, yes i am-and always will be- one of those moms with a themed party and a cake and hats and the whole 9 yards!! i love it! and i know that he loves it, so it makes it better! Matthew... doesn't love it.... but he doesn't say anything... as long as i don't spend our life savings!

okay, back to it.

New Family Pics!!

we doubled up on family pictures this month! first of just the 3 of us and then us + the Croghan's!! my kid was awful-he screamed, i screamed, i almost beat him in the middle of the Molengracht in Pella on a Sunday morning.... and THIS is what our session ended up as :::








i don't think i could be any happier about them!! (thanks to my boss-man Jeff! he rocks my world!!)

now THIS is Iowa weather!!

i had a GREAT day!!

first off, the weather is un-beatable!! i'm in heaven... no wait-its Iowa!! ;)

second--HAWKS WON!!!!! it was close, and we did lots of yelling,... Hyatt actually did lots of pacing. (FYI, don't watch Hawks football with Mike Hyatt. he paces...) but they pulled it off in 2 very awesome field kick BLOCKS right at the end! they'd better step it UP soon, but we're happy with the win for now!

third--well its really just been a nice day! my parents took ethan this afternoon. i knew he wouldn't sleep at Jakes house(where we watched the game) so my mom and dad said theyd watch him for us. he had fun and took a nap and was awesome for the rest of the night! LOVE schedules! some random things happened today, like when we got home Matts car was gone... stolen if you will. we searched for it and ended up calling his dad. well his dad had it... in Newton. guess thats what we get for leaving the keys in the car!

backtrack to last night. Matt had finally given me some cash to go clothes shopping so i had been trying to find a night to run to Target($80 goes further at Target!!) finally i settled on friday and since Jess didn't have her kiddos she tagged along! we had a great time! we talk all day, but we never really hang out anymore, and it was nice! we did some shopping, got her phone battery fixed!, went to Village Inn for dinner. yeah i know that sounds fancy but she had $5off coupons AND we got some awesome pancakes! pumpkin pancakes and apple w/carmel syrup ones. our total bills were $2.30. can't beat that!!
we got back to town and stopped at Mandy's casa to sit around the fire for a bit! that was fun because i like fires! and there were plenty of people there for good conversations!
OH-and i got 2 shirts and a pair of pants, a tank top and a crock pot at Target. the crock pot is now Matt's special Football Cheese Dip crockpot! we used it today, it works quite nicely!!

tonight i got to hang out with BOTH my little brothers! we had some pizza, sat around and played some rock band!

all in all today was great!! and there are still 2 more days in the weekend to go!! sweet! if they are all as good as this it will be the most perfect weekend ever!!

oh yeah... and this is what i did tonight. i looked so white trash--and i dont even care!

................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!











its just one of those days.......

"" drink... to all that we have lost. mistakes we have made... everything will change.....""

doing: at the church working for the day
feeling: tired... i almost fell asleep at lunch! that could have been bad!
listening to: VH1 online radio. my Pandora ran out of free time... yeah don't get me started on that. so i have to wait until tomorrow for my "free 40 hours" to start over!

i'm working really hard to get myself organized and "in the know" for this Youth Minister job. its really hard!! i keep looking at all these emails about events, all the paperwork, the schedules, the payments, ect, ect, and it boggles my brain as to how one single person can coordinate all this stuff!! i know its harder for me because i came into it when things are already happening around me. NCYC(National Catholic Youth Conference) is a big event in KC in November. well the first meeting was held in January. so i'm just taking over this planning with only the "im' a chaperons" knowledge. so again, i'm trying to get myself organized and stuff, but its almost too much.
there are lots of people around me that are helping with things! but its the fact that they've been doing it for a year or more and they know that this paper needs to be signed by this weekend and mailed in.... but they remind me about it on monday of that week.
i feel like i'm scrambling around for things, and i'm so afraid to miss something!
the smaller stuff i'm okay with, the KickOff party which is just grilling and games i'm good with! its the big stuff like the Youth Rally and NCYC that have me freaked out!!
i'll be fine, i know. i just need to get super organized (yes, i hear you all laughing cause that's NOT me)!

i'll get it together! i got some planners for this year and next to have on me at all times! i'm going to get some colored tabbys so i can start this color coding of things! i have to get a headstart on that because once Ethan starts school and sports and things i'm going to be lost!


in other news. i love this weather! if Fall was here forever i'd be happy happy happy!!

we did family pictures last night at Stalzer's studio. Kenzie and John were awesome! adn with 3 little ones i'm sure they-mostly Kenz-were exhausted afterwards!! but the kids ended up being really good! even after Ethan's meltdown, BEFORE the pictures even started! i'm so excited to see them! like, i wanted to go to work today and work on them!! i know everyone else in the world has to wait for theirs...so i'm not getting too out of hand. its just worse for me because i know they are on a card sitting on my desk just waiting!! yup, i'll be doing that in the morning!! haha!

i need to get some more work done. bad part about this laptop(at the church) is that i can't print from it. thats really what i need to do is print a few things. i might have to go find someone with a printer!!

have a good week! i might go home soon and take a nap... just so i can keep functioning!

" i will write you a song,....."

"that's how you'll know that my love is still strong.."

good morning! yes, a morning blog. i'm up and feeling unmotivated to get ready for work. partly because we have NOTHING on the schedule for today-how nice! and partly because i'm keeping a close eye on my sorta sickly baby boy. he's been a bit iffy since wednesday morning. he actually got sick last night, but soon after that he was running laps in the house..... ssoo i'm not THAT worried. but he didn't eat anything except chocolate milk (apparently) yesterday. so hes got some yogurt and juice that i'm making sure he eats slowly!

so tomorrow. tomorrow is my 6 year anniversary to my wonderful husband! 6 years! that means we've been out of high school.... well... i dont need to figure up that. ugh, i feel old! but at the same time i feel like a little kid still! we've been through so much in the last 6 years and yet it seems like we should be just starting out. its odd because hes not the same guy i fell in love with way back in our Sophmore year. hes totally different, but yet the same. hes grown up so much and changed so much. but sometimes hes just that carefree high school boy that just doesnt give a crap! i fell in love with him for so many reasons-but i keep loving him for all sorts of new ones! it seems like every day theres something else that i'm thankful for about him! he always seems to be there for me just when i need him, and also there to piss me off when i really really don't need him to! hes my knight in shining armor, my shoulder to lean on and my best friend to sit and watch the stars with!

our relationship has developed into something new and comfortable. sometimes too comfortable.... but something thats nice to come home to.

to make our relationship even better we have the light of our lives in the center of it. Ethan is the best thing thats ever happened to us! hes sweet, funny, smart, naughty, innocent and playful! he's 100% boy! he's Daddy's best playmate and Mommy's snuggle bug!
we've been talking for awhile about trying again for another baby. it will make our little family perfect and complete! its the image i've had in my head since the moment i knew Matt was the one for me! 2 kids to love and watch grow, Matt and Me! perfect at every angle for me!


(so, it's been a few days,... but better late than never right!?)

Matthew sent me flowers on Friday at work! yellow lilies! i love lilies!! in the card it said, "I love you, Meet me at Kalderas at 5:45" (Kalderas is a new place in Pella!) i think it was because of my relentless badgering that he did this, but i DO love suprises and i DO love the sweetness of flowers at work and dinner for just the two of us! it was perfect!! we had a wonderful meal and then came back to Kville for ice cream! oh... and stopped for diapers in between.... walmart is romantic right?? anyways, it was a perfect way to celebrate 6 years!

""r'memer all that stuff i taught you yesterday.....""

doing: nothing at all....
listening to: Friends on tv
feeling: uneasy.

its sunday. the sunday after our towns little venture that is known as Nationals. it was SUPPOSED to be the day us Knoxvillians got to relax, sadly, the races got rained out last night so they are running the B and A mains tonight at 7. this means that not everyone has vacated our town. some people are sticking around for the races tonight. not too bad i guess. that just means that the people with stands set up had one more day to opt to stay open.

we did a good job at celebrating the last night of Natty's last night in our garage. i didn't get to bed until close to 1 and am regretting it now. it was an interesting night with my friends to say the least. we've hung out alot over the years, but we've never actually gotten on each others nerves the way we did last night. again... interesting. however-when i got mad and yelled (i might have yelled alot last night..) they all seemed to just stop and collect themselves. makes me feel good because it just reaffermed the fact that they really do respect me enough to listen when i say "shut up or go home!!"
they all chose to shut up and we finished the night on a good note! we had fun!


i've been trying really hard to get a few bucks to go on a bit of a shopping spree for myself lately. i put my time in by 1. cleaning out my closet and drawers... and shoes (*tear*), to show Matt that i actually DO need some new clothes. and 2. getting a second job. a second job that will, in another month or so, take up most of the rest of my spare time and demand probably more than i can handle. however-i do have faith that i can do it and that i will have enough help around me to keep me level headed. anyhow-shopping. i really do think that i deserve--DESERVE--to shop a little for myself! i've been patient in waiting until matt would tell me that we do actually have a couple hundered extra so that i could partake in this adventure... but he hasnt yet. so i've started hounding him about it. he's not happy but i think he really does want to give it to me. (matthew, if you do read this, i'm going to keep hounding you... so stop making that face whenever i mention it and just let me go for cryinoutloud!!!!) ((LOVE YOU))

today i wanted to run to Target and see if i could find a few things, but i was lazy-then i really wanted to go-then i didnt really want to go alone.... then i was lazy again. so i changed back into my jammies and have been sitting on the couch for most of the day! oh well! i also tried to online shop, but its just not the same!


yesterday Jeff and i hung some wallpaper at the studio.... hanging wallpaper SUCKS! especially since we picked a design with a bunch of circles on it that obviously has to be lined up exactly! we ended up doing a pretty darn good job and it looks great!!! i'm excited to have our actual sign up so our "reception wall" will be complete!! its taken a long time, but we're finally getting the studio close to being finished!! open house coming soon!

Little E just woke up so were going to take a little walk!

permanent vacation....

we made it home! i didn't want to leave, not even a little bit! i'm positive that Colorado is the place that i was supposed to live... i can't get enough of it! i would never get tired of seeing the mountains every single day! i certainly wouldn't miss the humidity of Iowa.... i guess i wouldn't like the snow(i hate winter with a firey passion).

however, i dont live there and pry never will... so vacationing there is what i'll take for now! i have tons of stories from our trip, but for now pictures is all i'm posting!
Enjoy my little piece of heaven!

no humidity and an hour behind.

doing: relaxing. thats what vacation is for!
feeling: super tired! i'm going to bed asap!
watching: Cartoon Network.... apparently my kid requested to watch Batman, so thats what his uncles found on tv for him!!

this is day 2 of our vacation! we're having a good time-aside from the fact that my 3 year old has been basically grouchy the entire time.

we left around 8 on Thursday night and drove through the night. Ethan slept almost the entire way. he woke up once in Nebraska and freaked out-i dont think he was really sure where he was. then we got out to stretch our leggys later.. in Nebraska. that state is basically endless.... so he got some good sleeping in! he didn't wake up fully until we were in Denver. I slept for an hour or two on the drive. then matt made me switch and drive into Denver.

we got in about 7(CO time). stopped for breakfast and then went to Mike and Ruth (dad's brother) house. we woke them up! OPS! i got about an hours nap in on the couch before people started poking at me! we got ready and headed off to a water park in Lake Wood. Its called Pirates Cove! its basically just a bigger scaled aquatic center. it had a big play area for kiddos, a diving well/pool, a lazy river and 3 bigger slides. it was fun! we were there about 2 hours before Ethan started to get crabby. so we grabbed some lunch and headed downtown to the hotel!

we're staying right in the heart of downtown(i'll have to post pictures later) its been fun! everyone went to a Cubs vs. Rockies game Friday night while Ben and I (the cultured ones) headed off to the Denver Art Museum. Ben and i then walked around downtown for awhile. we hit up the 16th street mall, which is sort of comparable to the Chicago --what is is--Maricle Mile or whatever. its just got lots of shops over the span of like 20 blocks! we stopped at Rock Bottom Brewery and had a beer. GOOD beer too! we each got one of their bews and they were great!

today we met our family in random spots of the hotel. we all seem to have the same plan, walk around, we're a lively group! so we headed out to 16th street again and did just that! Matt and Elissa's wedding was at 3:30 so we packed ourselves up and headed off to that. it was in a little chapel that overlooked the mountains! it was very nice! the ceremony was 18 minutes-Mom timed it-and then we were headed back off to downtown Denver (to our hotel) where the reception is! we had good food and a few drinks, i got matt to dance with me..... once. and now its almost midnight and i'm ready for bed!

tomorrow is another adventure! i'm going to make matt get up early with me and do some more pictures in downtown Denver. there are some great buildings that i'd like to shoot! and i feel the least silly walking around with matt. he actually points things out to me and really enjoys himself! then were headed to fill another day!!

nighty night!!

"when life gives you lemons....

.... just shut up and eat the damn lemons!"


feeling: crazy! my brain is working on overdrive today
listening to: nothing.. its too early to relax--also i have no idea what i want to listen to!


a couple things have been the main focus of my brain activity over the last few days: choices is the main one.


Sunday/Monday night i was up about every hour wide awake. and when i'm wide awake my brian kicks into overdrive-which i hate-and for some reason i started to think about choices. everybody has choices every day, from what to eat for lunch to how much do i really really need those $200 shoes. some people get off easy and both of those choices are made in a split second. for some people the choices are harder like, what can we live without foodwise for another week. how soon do i really need to go to the doctor for this cold or how much longer can my kid wear those pants before they are simply rags.

i was thinking about the choices i've made in my life that have brought me to this exact moment. the choice that Matt would be the only man i'd ever need for the rest of my life. this brought me to hearache when we lost our first baby, and then to utter joy when Ethan was born! this brings me headaches when we fight about stupid things, and happiness when he does little things like take out the garbage and thank me for making dinner.
the choice we made to buy a house. not becuase we needed one by any means, but because we felt we were at the point where we really wanted to be "adult" homeowners! this choice brings us to now when we can not sell our house and were just wasting money on something we really dislike living in.

when i think back to all our smaller and bigger choices i really don't think that i would do anything differently. maybe if i'd known that we'd be right here, wanting to grow our family but really not having any room for it, i might have stayed living in an apartment for a couple years. just to get some debt under control and all that good jazz. but then again, at that point we didn't care. we wanted a house and we wanted this house! our original plan was to only stay for a year or two and then look for something else. never happens how you plan it.

so then i look at the people around me and the choices they've made. i wonder if they look back and think- i really wish id done that differently- for the most part i think they'd say no. for some stuff i'm sure it would be different. thought through more or better, but not the original choice that was made.


sometimes the choices you make just get you in a big fat pickle. but theres always another choice that will get you out. we made the choice to get into a debt relief program. we searched and asked some friends and finally found one that is working wonderfully for us! we're going to be 100% free of our credit card debt in, well, now 3 more years! hopefully less. i wish we'd gotten into that way earlier, but better late than never.
other times the choices you make bring you more happieness than you might have thought possible. Ethan is the center of our lives and i don't regret one decision that brough him to us! now we're trying for another one.... (maybe not another one EXACTLY like Ethan.... we might pull our hair out!) but, if we get a carbon copy then we'll be just as happy!!

i think its a natural strive that we all make good choices in our lives. and probably at the time we all think that they are the best possible choice for us. of course nobody is perfect and we all end up thinking -what the F?!- at one point or another! i've had plenty of those, but the good always outweighs the bad!





my choice of the day happened when i was driving to work. i followed a guy into town and his liscense plate said BATSRUS -- Bats R Us -- awesome right!? how this got me to this decision i don't really know. but my next tattoo is going to be the Aerosmith logo on the top of my right foot. yup, have the foot picked out and all! Jeff is still bagging on my wrist tattoo... so i have to pick something else for the time being! i love tattoos.... its an addiction that i'm okay with! just have to save up some cash now! :) woot woot!

now... i must make the choice to work!!

"" let me hear the words you say,

lets go and get tangled in chains of golden days.... ""





doing: postponing work for as long as possible! i have lots of album re-touching to do... that i sorta don't want to!
feeling: more relaxed than i have the last week
listening to: The Damnwells Pandora Radio! (quote = from Damnwells song!)

i haven't had lots to write about lately, because everything that's been going on in my head is kinda heavy stuff. also, things that i might not want to share with the entire world! :)

the biggest thing is that Matt and i have decided to start trying for a second child! i've personally been waiting on him (a woman waiting on a man... odd right?!) since the beginning of the year. i've always had a timeline for my family in my head... but of course it never works out that way. so now, as my brain works, i find myself obsessing over it. i know that God knows when we are ready and He will give us the gift that we want when the time is right... but its hard to wait. instant gratification is what the world is made up of anymore, so we're brainwashed into thinking that EVERYTHING should be that way. even when we know that it can't be.
my praying and our trying will continue. Matt says we're trying for a girl this time... he says he can make it happen....... yes ladies-he's that good..... *rolls eyes*

and so we wait.

the work side of my life is basically the same. we're still getting settled into the new studio. finding places for things and slowly adding the furniture and accessories that we need. we're hoping to have an open house here in the next couple months. its was supposed to be this month... but we ran out of time to go get things to finish up the place! we're starting to order display prints, to replace some of the ones we currently have up. slowly but surley. our next biggest task is organization. we have lots of papers and crap that we just dont have a place for. in the old place we'd just throw them in a cubbard.... we dont' have that luxery here! i'm still trying to figure out a decent way to organize and store our backup disks. we basically have a box for 2006--and hopefully all of 2006 is in that box. we've found that it is not. and for some reason suddenly people are feeling the need to order crap from 5 years ago! UGH! Jeff went and got us shelves for finished orders yesterday. So hopefully he can put those up this afternoon and a little bit more organization can continue!!

time to dig in. i have to get some albums retouched!! i dont think i have a show to watch during lunch today.... oh crap. if anyone reads this before noon and has an idea for me let me know!! :)

silence is beautiful

day: wednesday... this week is going slow...
feeling: super tired!
doing: this, i just got to work and i'm thinking about doing some cleaning/organizing., but haven't totally decided yet.
listening to: nothing. i haven't felt like music the last couple days. silence seems more relaxing.


the summer has been moving right along. as far as summers go this ones been the best/easiest i can remember in a while. its been super hot, but then perfect a 75degrees for a week, then back to hot. just how Iowa should be! we haven't been super crazed just yet. and we've been able to relax and enjoy the weather-friends-family time.

last week we headed to Panama for their 125th Celebration! it was wild! we got in late, otherwise i would have gotten some better pictures of the happenings. there were SO MANY PEOPLE! in case you don't know, Panama is a small town-comparable to Bussy-but a bit bigger. maybe Melcher-but a bit smaller... either way, its a town where everyone knows you, knows of you, or oddly recognizes you from when you were 5 becuase they know your Grandparents! its a great place all around! anyhow. we got there right at dark-about 9:30ish, and we thankfully got a spot to park right by my Grandma's house! there was a band playing in the block that the Catholic school is on, which happens to be a stones thow away from my Grandma's driveway. the band played until 2am.... that was fine because we ended up being UP until that time anyways! there were carnival games, food stands, a beer garden! hells yah! the best part of the beer garden was that it was located in the street between the Catholic church and the Catholic school!

its how we Catholics partAAy!!

after that weekend we've been pretty lazy. we don't have any weddings on the schedule for July-which is odd-but also kinda okay! we like having a break! especially when the next 3 months are pretty full! our seniors are filling up too. not as much as we think they should be.. but they are still calling so that's a good thing!

i've been trying to get out more and take some pictures for myself. i love shooting in general, but i love shooting more when its a shot i have in my head and it turns out just right!! i've been brainstorming some more shots that i'd like to do-i just have to find the time and the model(s) to do it!

i should pry get to doing some work. i have to design a thank you card-hopefully my brain is in a "designing" kinda place today......


happy 4th!!

" why don't you go where fashion sitz.... puttin on the ritz!

doing: workety work work!
listening to: my ipod!! i got to update it FINALLY!!
feeling: tired and hungry and super lazy

things are finally starting to get back to normal. between the studio move and all my personal life stuff thats been going on i've just felt like i've been running in a hamster wheel! at work i'm actually starting to make progress! i've been working like MAD, but never actually getting things done! i've made good progress on my list of wedding albums! i'm planning to finish up at least 2 today and possibly at least design another! sounds like a tall order.. but i think i can do it!

we went to visit Panama this past weekend for their 125th Celebration! it was WILD! Panama is a town about the size of Bussey-okay, maybe a tad bigger... but not too much. and when we rolled in about 9:30 Saturday night the town was about the size of Knoxville! there were TONS of people there!! there was a carnival with games and stuff, there was a beer garden (duh-Catholic town), and there was a band! the band played until 2am! and they were pretty good!! we sat at my Grandma's house and we could hear everything perfectly!
my cousins from Colorado were there, which was awesome!! i havent seen some of them for years! i sat and talked with Elissa until about 2am! it was great! we caught up on so much and it was just SO nice to talk!! i wanted to catch up with Megan too, but shes preggo.. so she went to bed!! Elissa is getting married in August so i'm hoping that i'll have time to talk with everyone else at the wedding! i wish we all lived closer, or at least got together more! i've always wanted that closer relationship with my cousins-and i do have it with some of them-but to have it with more would just be better!!

Ethan has been great lately. other than the terrible two-s that show up once in awhile... he's been great. we started potty-training a week ago from saturday and he's starting to get the hang of it! he actually asks to sit on his potty-seat now! i think he knows when he goes in his diaper and then asks... so we're getting closer! he does good about just sitting and watching a movie... so he'll eventually go while hes sitting there! its just so great to watch him grow up like that! i am really sad that he'll (hopefully) soon be out of diapers, but i'll be so happy to get to buy him big boy undies!! he's also starting to sleep in HIS bed at night. which makes matt and i super excited!! its hard enough for us to sleep in bed together, makes it worse with a little boy in between us!
so he got a special treat this morning (cars) for sleeping in his bed for almost a whole week!

other than that life has been calming down. i've been prone to some awesome migraines the last few days... so i'm ready to get rid of those too.

ah well....
must work more!
have a good one!

...its been a long time coming....

for those of you who didn't know, my Grandpa passed away this past week. he's been ill for awhile now, and just recently really went downhill. its been a long week for my family-and on top of the month of moving into the new studio that i've just had-its been an all around long month and a half for me.

it was, as it always is, to let him go. i don't feel like i've had near enough time with him-even though its been 26 years! and Ethan only got to know him just a little bit! yesterday was the funeral and that was the hardest part. knowing that its finally over and we finally have to say goodbye for the very last time. on top of my feelings for it it was 100 times harder for my mom. and seeing my mom in that much pain made me hurt that much more.


this is a poem that is perfect for my Grandpa.


God saw he was getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around him
And whispered, "Come with Me"

With tearful eyes we watched him suffer
And saw him fade away,
Although we loved him dearly
We could not make him stay.

A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands to rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

"why have i gone blind..."

doing: struggling with people today.
mood: grouchy... for no certain reason
listening to: Pandora-Breaking Benjamin radio!(i'm more in the mood for classical, but there are other people in the office that don't share my mood)


so... WE ARE ALL MOVED IN!!!!
finally finally finally the longest month ever is over!! Sunday was our last day and we got everything moved!! it took 7 hours and 15 people but we did it! i can officially say that i will NEVER have to walk up those stairs AGAIN-and actually i wont ever have to walk into the building again if i dont want to!! SO HAPPY!!
and we are now our own landlords(so to speak) so we won't have to dick around with anyone messing with our stuff or being stupid.

now, sadly, its back to reality. i'm working on editing and backing up and downloading things. i need to load up my laptop with wedding albums so i can actually get a few finished! i'm really behind on those... but i'll get caught up asap! i'm re-writing my "to do" list so that i can start on that again too! yippee.....

now our biggest road-block is getting this new place functional. we basically have boxes and stuff stacked up everywhere!! we need more shelving to store things (like i've said from the beginning boys!!) so we'll have to get that and then we can get all our boxes unpacked and things!

next step--furniture. jeffs really happy about spending lots of money on new furniture.. but its gotta be done!! so i'm constantly bugging him to go shopping-with me... to pick out stuff!! so if anyone knows a good store (online or not) to get some cool contemporary semi-cheap furniture, please let us know!!

okay, i gotta actually work some more!

"get UP,... get DOWN!"

feeling: tired and antsy.
doing: this..... jeff just left again so i'm alone for the remainder of the day
listening to: KGGO, it actually stayed in today! we always loose it about 11 for some reason.

this weekend is our first big weekend! we are painting all day tomorrow. painting and cleaning. then Sunday afternoon we are moving the camera room! and i mean EVERYTHING is going! i'm not settling for less than that! becuase if it doesn't get moved, its just more to move later.... and that doesn't make me happy.

jeff's been a mess., as we all knew he would be. he's trying to do too many things at once and worrying about too many things at once. i keep telling him we'll be fine-becaues we will!-but he's yet to actually listen to me! he's worried that painting wont get done tomorrow.... everything basically has a first coat on it so we just need to second coat most of the walls and we're golden! the hard part will be cleaning... because after buliding walls that place is a royal mess!!

once we have all that done its basically the home stretch! after the camera rooms in and set he can start shooting over there officially. next is computers. after that work room.. and after that.... well, the rest of the crap thats gathered in this dang place! i'd like to just trash everything and start over.... but i'm not thinking that would be a great idea. HOPEFULLY (jeff--if you read this...) we will be able to de-clutter a LOT as we clean and pack.

i know some of you are laughing at the image of me actually throwing things away! it's hard, but i have gotten myself to do it more often!

i'm ready to have this place packed and gone! i'm ready for all the new things the studio will bring AND all the newness period! we're making changes and hopefully everything will be for the best!!

our next and biggest opstical is going to be furnishing the dang place. if you thought jeff and i picking out paint colors gave you a headache, just wait until we have to pick out furniture.... (a headache is swelling for me already!)



my life is this new studio... so i can't even remember anything else that's happened this month. i'm sure matt will be super happy when this is all over. he hardly sees me, unless i'm passed out on the couch. and i see ethan long enough to get him up and then to put him to bed!

well, i have to move my garbage pile and pack another tote. hopefully i can find some more things to pack up before 5!

have a good one!!

"we don't have TIME for this!"

doing: catching up on My Boys episodes that i misses because we don't get TBS anymore.... :(
feeling: iffy. my tummy huwrts! its a stress hurt, but i'm not entirely sure why i have that.... an idea, but not totally sure.



if you haven't seen our(me and Jeffs and DI's) facebook pages-- WE ARE MOVING!!!
we finally found a perfect place, for a semi-perfect price, and an almost perfect location! all in all its the BEST thing we've ever done!!!

if you know Pella at all you might remember Water Lily Formals, the bridal shop that used to be in the Molengracht, thats our new spot! its right on the corner closest to the hotel. big north facing windows and lots and lots of space!! we've gone over a couple times and laid out our floor plan, jotted down some ideas and pretty much just gone in to stand there and smile!! we have a couple wonderful ladies coming on Friday to walk through with us and basically tell us how to decorate (colors, furniture, layout) because between Jeff and i we can't decide on anything..... [if i haven't said it before, Jeff and i are like a married couple when it comes to decision making. we can't agree!]

the biggest downer to this location is that we can literally stand in our doorway and look into Digital Galleria's store. bad because people already get us confused... so now it'll make it harder on them because we're in the same building! but we're totally seperate types of photography... so we figure we'll be okay! plus OUR customers will know where to go! and they will KNOW if they are in the wrong spot!

the only other bad thing is that we are going to be OUT of this spot by/before June 1. so that gives us - now - less than a month to get all our shit together, packed, moved and un-packed. its going to be hard... no secret, but i think we can do it. now you all may be laughing inside if you know us at all. we are the definition of un-organized artists! so this will be a challenge for us.. but we're up to the task! (that was lame i know...)




other than studio news not much else is new. Ethan is still growing and learning more every day. big machinery, firetrucks and race cars make his life complete! he can hear the train coming through town before its even close! and he can watch a backhoe tractor work for a day without blinking an eye! he's ALL boy! he's also discovered that his backhoes and dumptrucks work GREAT in the dirt in the front yard.... awesome for Mommy's OCD! so bathtime is like every night now!!

we're loving the warm weather! as i'm sure everyone is! grilling and just being outside is fantastic! and the sun is up later and its warm! its warm! its warm!!


now, in adroation of the warm weather i have one errand that i searched out that i can walk to do!! woot woot!!

have a good one!

" i just want you to know that in 1984 i voted for Ronald Regan..!"

doing: watching past episodes of 30 Rock (thats where the quote is from... in 1984 i was 2.)
feeling: quite well! i've been having quite a few great day, in a row!! thats a bit out the norm for me lately!


the weather had been beautiful, my mood has been great and my family has been pleasant! all in all my life has been on the up!

last Friday and Saturday we photographed the Steppin Out Dance Studio! There were TONS of dancers and 2 long days, but it was SO worth it!! The kids were so much fun! and for our first time out photographing a dance studio it went very very well! now we just have to get all the memory mates put together and we're in business!

this week has been going fast! i could have sworn that today was wednesday.... but its not. this weekend we have 2 proms, a wedding and a 1st Communion! and it just keeps going from there! more weddings, appoinments and Tulip Time!

as for the work-front news.. of other sorts. we have a whole new set of issues with our window..... its really never ending. ssoo we are sorta kinda taking a look at a couple other options. hopefully something will work out for us, becasue i-we-are getting a little sick of coming to work and finding a whole slew of reasons to want to pull our hair out. and thats even before we get up to our actual studio!


well, time to get back. i get to show Linds how to put together some memory mates! she'll be thrilled!!

outtie!

We'll see how this works. My first post via mobile device!!
Today went fast! I looked at the clock once and it said 4:15! Super sweet! Friday was an awful day, just dreadful. Jeff and I wanted to quit and take up drinking... But we made it through. Plus drinking doesn't pay too well. Today didn't start out great, but it ended up okay! I got a few things done and a few more things ordered. We still have a super 'to do' list to take care of. But its endless so it'll never get done.
So now I'm home and I've yelled at both my kid and husband and spanked....well just Ethan! So now I'm incredibly ready to go to Jess' and drink and snack and NOT be around boys for awhile!!!
Outtie!! :)

"don't 'honey' me!!"

doing: watching 90210 and waiting for my next appointment
feeling: pretty good!

its been a crazy couple weeks, and it doesn't look like it'll be slowing down anytime soon! today is the only exception. today i have 2 orders this afternoon but other than that... NOTHING!! it's a beautiful thing when your schedule has two tiny things on it and nothing else!!

last week.... oohh last week i had a couple kids in for Kids Contest. and then i had 3 days of Baby Ducks!! super cute! super messy! and super stinky,..... sad to say but it's nice to have them gone. the pictures are super cute though! all the kids had a great time! and there was no crying and no eating of ducks....! (that almost happened last year, swear!) to finish off the week we had the Father/Daughter Dance. there were 400 daughters signed up (thats A LOT!) suprisinly things went VERY smoothly! we were done with pictures in record time and even had time to sort through some things and make sure we had everything in order!

this week.... its been slightly crazy but today is a lull day. we've had senior reps in and kiddies in for Kids Contest! its been great! and tiring all at the same time!!


at home. Ethan is wonderful. he's a typical 2.5 year old boy! hes naughty one minute and the sweetest little boy the next! i can't believe how much he remembers!! he's basically able to recite Chica Chica Boom Boom,... and does so regularly! i love it! he's too smart for his own good... and also for us!

Matthew is also a typical 26 year old boy. he wants things he can't have, he wants to play with his friends 24/7 and then wants to come home to me at midnight and bug ME to play with him! i love the boy but he drives me nutty!! however, things have been going well for us. we are seeing a bit of a light at the end of our debt tunnel. the only downside to our lives is the house that i want more than anything in the world! it hurts how much i want it. hurts.......


anyhow. thats about all from me. there is just so much going on in my life.. so many random things with all sorts of people that its just crazy!

on a great note, my little brothers will be home this weekend!! Ben's coming home tonight and Greg tomorrow!! YEAY for holidays! i love my brothers!!
can we ssaayy ROCK BAND-A-THON!?

" did you see did you see did.. you.. see?"

doing: designing. i'm working on tapping out my brain on designs this week! and its working!
feeling: C-O-L-D!!
listening to: baby ducks chatting up a storm

hey! baby ducks are here this week!!! starting today, with family, begins our Easter Special! tomorrow i have 2 appointments and then Saturday i have 3! not terrible, but it could have been better. I'm still hoping that a few more people call! baby ducks are TOO cute to not be photographed!!!


well my computer is running super slow and i'm colder than a polar bear. i think its because i dont have any socks on, my feet ususally regulate how cold the rest of my body is. i should start packing socks in my purse for days like this!

just a little update on the studio situation. my boss had a chit chat with the owners and it went.... well it went. they showed very little acknoweldgement that they even did anything wrong considering the window. boss told them we were unhappy with their actions and they said "oh, we don't have a copy of the release so we didn't know the window was yours...." stupid.
theres a whole lot wrong with that statement and it doesn't make me happy at how ignorant they are acting! like they've never delt with actual people before! COME ON!
so boss made some comments and threw out some ideas. basically asking for compensation for them being stupid, but still trying his hardest to work soemthing out with them so we can co-habitate! in my option he's bending over backwards for them and it should be the other way around. they should be coming up with reasons and ways to work with us!!

we do have an entire half of the window back, and now all my extra stuff is up in our camera room (thanks to them moving it.. i wasn't about to!) they added one more thing into our side of the window... but funny thing, the bench that sits outside is COMPLETLEY on our side of the window! that dang bench always seems to move its self...... funny how that works.

so, i'm still pulling hard to find somewhere to move. i think a pros and cons list is going to be in the works soon. boss' biggest issue is paying rent. we've had this place for 6 years and the rent hasn't changed a considerable amount. so now when we are ready to move somewhere the rent is going to almost double, and thats hard to imagine! i'm still going to try though. i really dont think this situation is going to work for us at all... even for another year.


finally. its April. where did time go?! however.. its SNOWING today.. and that just shouldn't be! April showers bring May flowers.... and all that.

i'm going to be working on our newsletter here soon! i'm trying to think of things to put in it, so any ideas send them my way!! also, if you want to be on the newsletter list just let me know and i'll get your email added!! :) its our first actual newsletter. the last two have just been about Kids Contest and Ducks! oohh meet Jeff and Tracy! how fun and lame! ...... i'm doing it.!

well, off to create some more... i think. or album work. thats always fun too!!
have a good one!

.."tell a lie, and give away the truth..."

doing: work
feeling: a headache and a bit of a tummy ache
listening to: The Damnwells Pandora radio!

so i've logged onto this site about 5 times this week and just stare at it. i have things to write, but i dont want to write them.

i'll start with last week. we had an open house on Thursday night. we only had 3 people walk through, but we know one of them and certain people are supposed to be bugging him to buy it.... you know who you are!!! ;) Ann and i went to a few open houses during that time, to look for both of us. we found 2 houses that we both really like! one of them i know the guy who owns it! and oddly, its nothing like anything i usually look for in a house, but its got some sort of charm to it that i just really like!! today someone is walking through out house at 2:30 so i'm crossing my fingers! please please please! i am also still in love with another house on West South St. its still for sale! (they must have just taken down the sign that night Ann!)

Saturday we had a big big wedding in Des Moines! it was awesome!! the bride is Loacian so they had a Lause ceremony! it was a super long day, but the bride and groom (and 24 wedding party attendants) were so fun that the day just flew!!

plug: images on our blog site www.designerimagesphotography.com/blog

and now for the fun stuff. you all know we have new owners of the building. if you don't, the flower shop moved and now theres a art gallery and purse store downstairs! everythings been pretty decent with them so far. its just getting everyone used to the new things, they are donig a bunch of remodeling and stuff downstairs and its actually looking really nice! our one issue has been the window. for over 5 years we've had that window all to ourselves. we can decorate it however we want whenever we want. since the boutique is on one side and the art gallery is on the other side the new owners seem to think they need both windows. we thought we'd been nice enough to let them put some stuff in our window. jazzes it up a bit anyways. but we are having the kids contest running as of yesterday so id asked about getting all their stuff out so i could decorate everything FOR our kids contest. after them getting mad at us for a full day Jeff told her that we were done so they could put a couple specific things back in, because they matched. this was wednesday that we decorated the window. friday jeff had about a half hour conversation with the owners husband because he thought that we needed to move our stuff back out so they could fill the window. remember... its been decorated for ALMOST 48 hours. jeff politley told him 4 times that it would be really nice if they would wait to do anything until tuesday when i was back and i could talk to them about it all. since its my "deal" he likes to let me make the decisions.
about 9:00 that night Cassie was coming home from work and saw both owner and husband in our window moving our stuff!! jeff didn't even let me come to the front of the store to see it on saturday morning..... he knew i'd be flaming mad.

i literally had the entire window set up how i wanted it! i had images, stuffed animals, a wagon, trucks and trains in there! it was pretty sweet!
the approximate size of our stuff that is now in the window is almost 5 feet across. there are 4 images left, 3 stuffed animals.. and a basket.
they moved all of our stuff OUT and put it on the landing on the stairs.... and then took it upon themselves to move a whole bunch of their shit into the window. i just stood outside and laughed... at 12:30 at night, because it was SO rediculous!!! i could NOT believe it.
jeff had the conversation and specifically ASKED that they wait for 3 days until we were back in.... and 3 HOURS later they were moving shit around!!!

he was right... i was flaming mad. i still am, after typing it all out.

how childish! how UN-professional! and what a way to get your PAYING tennants to pack up and LEAVE!

tuesday i came in and i was a mess all day. i couldnt eat or work... nothing. i was just so mad!

jeffs sitting down and having a chat with the two of them tomorrow. they have to know that what they did wouldn't go unnoticed, don't they?! do they think we'll just shrug our shoulders and go on? if they would have said one word to me this week i would have let loose. good thing i havent seen either of them.

we've talked numerous hours about places that we can move to. and jeffs actually made some calls. we can't run a business if this keeps up. its just not worth it. so he's going to talk to them about numerous things and hopefully they will see what we need! the other thing is the Tulip Time display. that thing is up for at least 3 weeks and there is NO room for anything in the window while its up. i'm just not sure they realize that. if they can't let us have the window for longer than 2 days how can they give it up for 3 weeks!? and if that displays not up don't you think the WHOLE town plus ALL the visitors are going to notice?! uh YYEEAAHH!!






*deep breath*



i could keep on about this but i won't. i didnt plan to type that much.. it just came out.

oohh 2:30, people are walking through our house soon! BUY IT BUY IT BUY IT!!!!

have a good rest of thursday, friday and weekend!