"" all is lost again,... but i'm not giving in ""

doing: grad card mania! i just finished my 5th one for TODAY, now i'm on to something else
listening to: Motion City Soundtrack radio on lastfm.com
feeling: decent

its been a long week. started a week ago today and its finally over. i want this to be my "week from hell" for the year. i'm good with NO MORE!!

i wont bore you with any details (or gross you out i guess) but Tuesday went smooth. the time frames that the nurse told us were just about right on. 1/2 hour for each surgery, recovery, recovery+eating. they fed me toast with peanut butter on it! sweet!

i dozed a little for the rest of the day but i really felt pretty good! i went to a half day of work on wednesday and a full day today. i prefer half days.....! i, for the most part, feel normal again so that's a good thing.


tonight Ethan has his first soccer practice! (hopefully if it doesnt rain like they keep saying it will) hes' SO excited! and Saturday is his first game-which hes also SO excited about! hes on a 3-4year old team so we aren't expecting much. especially from him... he doesnt understand not touching the ball yet! but it should be interesting!

today is also the last day of tax season! its 2:00 right now and i'm sure Matt and the office are getting ready to close shop. they usually stop working around noon... eat snacks and sit around and bullshit. then about 3 they close up and head out to find somewhere to drink... i mean eat.. i mean talk about the year.... who am i kidding? they drink!

matt's been counting down the days so he'll be happy to have his 1 hour lunches back and to get off at 5 instead of 6!

last thing. Hanson is my love! i love everything they do, i love all their music they put out and i love that they know how to still have fun and give back using all this fame they have! they are my love! :)
they just released their newest video. they love the Blues Brothers so this is kind of a tribute to them. its so fun! it made my day better!

okay okay,... if you don't like Hanson you'll think this video is totally lame. but if you can stomache them you might just enjoy yourself!!


http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.videos&videoId=104317949

just not meant to be.......

just as fast as it was here its gone.

i went in for a heartbeat checkup yesterday and the doctor couldnt find the heartbeat. he said it was pry just because mine was overpowering., but just to be sure he wanted an ultrasound. so an hour later Matt was here with me and we went in for the ultrasound. at those kind the nurse cant tell us anything, which is fair and unfair at the same time... unfair to us because then we had to wait anothe half hour for the doctor to come tell us the results.

he said the babys heartbeat couldnt be found and it was measuring at about 8 weeks. so it has been gone for quite awhile. we scheduled a D&C for Tuesday morning. this will take place in Pella, which i'm thankful for (last time we had to go to Mercy). i didnt want to wait to actually miscarry. since its been this long already. there isnt a set time for that stuff.. it just happens when it happens. but i want it taken care of sooner than later just for my own peace of mind.


unfortunately we've gone through this whole ordeal before.... so we know what to expect. in a way it makes it easier, on me anyways.

now were just trying to keep a little positive light going and get through these next few weeks so we can continue on. just like last time, we're hoping that in 6 months we'll try again and have ourselves another Ethan!



Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support in our time of need. we are thankful for every one of our family and friends!