sometimes.....

doing: trying to work. its harder today....
listening to: nothing. awesome nothingness!

i don't have anything real to write about, except to reiterate the fact that i'm tired. my two weeks of GOGOGO are finally coming to an end. on Sunday i plan to do NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!! i dont want to get up until i feel like it, i dont want to go anywhere unless i feel like it. i want to eat oreos all day and sit in my jammies UNTIL I FEEL LIKE IT!!!

i'm close to my breaking point.... of my life. sometimes it just seems like everything around me is pushing in my walls. i just want to scream for everyone and everything to leave me the hell alone! i just want 1 day for me! of course thats a metaphor and i cant really do that....

i'm glad that i dye my hair now... and that i'm naturally a blond--sorta--color. because if my hair was actually as dark as i have it now i'd have grays everywhere. i still dont have that balance in my life i've been searching so hard for. in the last year i do have to say its gotten a bit easier to juggle everything.... of course then i decided to take on another job! i need to break down and start liking to run (but i just hate it so much!) i feel like my biggest stress reliever should be exercise. a walk now and then is nice, but sometimes i just need to GO! i want so badly to swim! thats the one thing i can do and push myself and it doesnt feel as much like work! bbuutt the rec center like to fuck me over and its never open when i need it to be.... or the pool is open for little kids to jump off the board... i can't swim laps in that. i need to, again, break down and just start getting my ass up at 5:30 and going to swim! just do it--right?! i need to i really do....


my horoscope for today said 'just remember time is on your side'. as much as id like to think that the California Psycic on my Google homepage is correct... i'm calling bull-shit. cause i know thats not the case.

well, i need to get stuff here done today.....
have a good weekend everyone!
oh,... and GO HAWKS!!

" shadows cast a lie..."

doing: again, a break from work overload. i'm trying so hard to get caught up with stuff, but sometimes my brain is just like "SCREW THIS! do something else!"
i have albums and order O-MY! and i would really just like to sit here and stare at everything.... until it goes away. sadly, i know that won't happen.. so i have to keep working on it!



i'm tired. plain and simple. i'm tired! i'm tired of so many things and for so many reasons that it all seems to jumble together and form one giant lump. from that i can't pick out what is actually important and whats just crap floating around in my head.

i'm going on about a week now of straight GOGOGO, and its not over yet. between the church and photography i didnt have a chance to breathe for about 4 days. i think that monday is finally my relax day, i'll get a massage at least!

i keep telling myself i just need a day off. but i can't find a chance to take one. its pretty annoying actually.

this past weekend did turn up a good thing. Matts dad promised to help us out a bit with the house and offered to pay for things to re-roof the place! we can't do it all in one shot (bad and good), because Papa Russell isn't made of gold. but Matt, and the guys, did get the first 1/4 of it done! that was really the worst section, so at least it looks better from afar! his dad said he'll pry have enough to do the other half of the front in October. hopefully this will help with our house selling. please please please let it help!!

well, i sort of got a second wind. or maybe its because its FINALLY 4 and i get my hhaaiirr cut after work!!! i love hair cuts! wish i could do something different.. but i have too short of hair now.... maybe my hairstylist will suprise me!!

""everyones tryin to get it right... get it rriigghhtt!!""

doing: taking a small break from album overload.
listening to: KGGO on Jeff's computer.
wondering.... where the hell Jeff even went!! i just realized he hasn't been here for like 10 minutes!!!

i just have an awesome story about my little man. Ethan's almost 3 and it still amazes me that he can learn and grow so much in such a small amount of time! i think that maybe you just don't notice it until one day it hits you that-MAN, when did he start doing that?!?!

we were having dinner last week and Ethan was inhaling his applesauce(yes, my child doesn't eat "real" food much anymore) and Matt says, "Ethan, would you like to have a little brother?" Ethan say, " no. " "well what about a sister?" " no. " So i say, "what about another kitty?" " well... no." Matt, "what about a puppy??" " no.... but what about a WHALE!??! or a shark!!??"
Matt and i looked at each other and burst up laughing! apparently a brother, sister or extra small pet is nothing, but man if we could get a whale itd be great!! he said it with such enthusiasm! it was awesome! where did he come up with whale you might ask? no idea. but i am glad that my childs got an imagination!


those of you that have kids know what an amazing, and sometimes random, element children bring to your life! and those of you who don't have kids yet, just wait! its the best!

my next exciting project is Ethan's 3 year birthday party! i can't believe that 3 years ago today we didn't even know him yet! it seems like forever ago, and yet just like it was last week! i'm so excited for his birthday, yes i am-and always will be- one of those moms with a themed party and a cake and hats and the whole 9 yards!! i love it! and i know that he loves it, so it makes it better! Matthew... doesn't love it.... but he doesn't say anything... as long as i don't spend our life savings!

okay, back to it.

New Family Pics!!

we doubled up on family pictures this month! first of just the 3 of us and then us + the Croghan's!! my kid was awful-he screamed, i screamed, i almost beat him in the middle of the Molengracht in Pella on a Sunday morning.... and THIS is what our session ended up as :::








i don't think i could be any happier about them!! (thanks to my boss-man Jeff! he rocks my world!!)

now THIS is Iowa weather!!

i had a GREAT day!!

first off, the weather is un-beatable!! i'm in heaven... no wait-its Iowa!! ;)

second--HAWKS WON!!!!! it was close, and we did lots of yelling,... Hyatt actually did lots of pacing. (FYI, don't watch Hawks football with Mike Hyatt. he paces...) but they pulled it off in 2 very awesome field kick BLOCKS right at the end! they'd better step it UP soon, but we're happy with the win for now!

third--well its really just been a nice day! my parents took ethan this afternoon. i knew he wouldn't sleep at Jakes house(where we watched the game) so my mom and dad said theyd watch him for us. he had fun and took a nap and was awesome for the rest of the night! LOVE schedules! some random things happened today, like when we got home Matts car was gone... stolen if you will. we searched for it and ended up calling his dad. well his dad had it... in Newton. guess thats what we get for leaving the keys in the car!

backtrack to last night. Matt had finally given me some cash to go clothes shopping so i had been trying to find a night to run to Target($80 goes further at Target!!) finally i settled on friday and since Jess didn't have her kiddos she tagged along! we had a great time! we talk all day, but we never really hang out anymore, and it was nice! we did some shopping, got her phone battery fixed!, went to Village Inn for dinner. yeah i know that sounds fancy but she had $5off coupons AND we got some awesome pancakes! pumpkin pancakes and apple w/carmel syrup ones. our total bills were $2.30. can't beat that!!
we got back to town and stopped at Mandy's casa to sit around the fire for a bit! that was fun because i like fires! and there were plenty of people there for good conversations!
OH-and i got 2 shirts and a pair of pants, a tank top and a crock pot at Target. the crock pot is now Matt's special Football Cheese Dip crockpot! we used it today, it works quite nicely!!

tonight i got to hang out with BOTH my little brothers! we had some pizza, sat around and played some rock band!

all in all today was great!! and there are still 2 more days in the weekend to go!! sweet! if they are all as good as this it will be the most perfect weekend ever!!

oh yeah... and this is what i did tonight. i looked so white trash--and i dont even care!

................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!











its just one of those days.......