doing: watching A Tigger Movie with Ethan. we came to the rents house to steal some internet.... and pay bills... with our tax money... (it keeps getting sadder)
feeling: pessimistic
this past week has been long, to say the least. convention was great! i wasn't actually dying to come home on monday morning like i usually am! other than being sick all of sunday and hardly eating (i think its the hotel, cause that always happens to me!) it was a really good time!! getting back into work is always hard. especially since i always feel like i have a million things to do.. and they all need to be #1 on my list! plus all that extra stuff that comes about every single morning! *sigh*
then on top of all of that my happy little friend-that visits every month-hasnt made my mood much better. my temper is on a much shorter string... well since i met Matt 10 years ago... but its been much shorter as of lately. i hate that about myself, but sometimes i just can't help it!
anyhow. my pessimism comes from a number of things, but it mostly boils down to money. i've made Matt completley take over the bills. i expect him to let me know when we are down to nothing, so that i dont go and spend money! most of the time he does, and most of the time i ask him before i go get gas or groceries or anything like that. or shoes.. yes i ALWAYS ask before i get shoes!! but its about every 6 months or so we get into a bid and we have NO money for about a month. i dont understand it. because half the time we dont have anything unexpected come up! so january was the month we had nothing.. and it just seems like nothing can be done to fix it...... so we just got our tax money friday! all of it! our account is over a thousand! thats awesome... cause it only happens once a year! however..... its all--ALL--going to pay bills. and nothing out of the ordinary, regular bills!!! how the HELL does that happen!??! so.. no savings, no fun shopping, no going out to eat just because, no fixing a car, or getting something that we just want and not need. NOTHING. our bonus for working hard all year is to pay our fucking bills!! what a crock.
now, Matthew, just in case you decide to start reading my blog... i'm not placing blame on anyone. i'm just grouchy that this is how our life is at the moment. its a circle that we can't seem to get out of.
to add to the money thing. Jess and i were going to try to plan a trip AND my girl-friends from college are also planning a trip soon. but i can't because i'm broke. i want to go on a vacation this year, just me and Matt and Ethan, but its not looking good cause we're broke.
its like i have NOTHING to look forward to. nothing. seriously. i laid in bed this morning and tried so hard to think of something that i could be excited about... and there isn't anything.
i'll be done bumming everyone out now. i know it'll get better, i do. its just a rut that i feel like we've been in for way too long now. its getting old.
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